Originally published in The Statesman

Nile Sky Hammelman is an optimist.

“I’m big on self love,” she said. “I tell myself, I deserve this - everyone deserves greatness.”

But her optimism was born of necessity, an intentional defense against the pressure that comes with being a first generation student.

“I try not to stress constantly because that’s what will really break me down. I have super bad anxiety so I just can’t focus on that,” Hammelman said. “I stick to being grateful.”

A Wisconsin native, Hammelman was raised by her mother, who enrolled but did not complete art school. Like 27 percent of UMD’s population, she’s the first in her family to go to college.

Along with many universities, UMD has an infrastructure in place to serve these first generation students. But UMD only knows how many students in this group are on campus, not where or who they are. This makes getting the resources to the right places even more difficult.

This can make adjusting to college challenging for the first generation group. Students like Hammelman often find they are unprepared for the hidden costs, added stress and extra time it takes to navigate this new world.

Hammelman was without a job for four months after first starting school. Without steady employment, and with no financial support network, she struggled to make ends meet. There were times last year where she had not been able to afford rent until the second week of the month.

“You really feel the college life when you’re going to school full time and then being like, I don’t have a car - I can’t afford a car, and you can't have a job without a car,” she said.

Missing rent payments and having to choose which bill to pay and which to let go delinquent is a reality for many on campus and it’s not always clear where to go for help.

WHATEVER THE COST

The cost of attendance at UMD is $23,998 for in-state students. This includes tuition, room and board, fees and textbooks. With support from the state and federal governments, low-incomes students have access to the same educational opportunities that many others do.

“I knew I would get funding for college with financial aid. I was always worrying, but at the same time I knew I didn’t have to worry,” Hammelman said. Her grandfather - a college graduate - is currently paying her tuition.

But even when tuition isn’t a concern, it’s the unexpected costs - like paying the fee to get a loan or Chemistry lab costs - that can catch students who don’t have a safety net off guard.

“There’s often a hidden cost you weren't expecting - like to get your ACT sent is $27,” said Jennifer Doebler, coordinator of UMD’s orientation programs out of the Students in Transition office. “Same thing for orientation fees and student services fees. Those sort of little surprises can be a real detriment to low-income students.”

Doebler adds that one of the biggest barriers to first-generation students is the cost of textbooks.

“You have no idea what they’ll cost, so you show up you buy brand new books. Then you're crying because you can't eat anything but Ramen for seven weeks,” she said.

The 2015-16 Cost of Attendance for UMD provided $1,200 for books and supplies (such as notebooks and pens) and $2,000 for personal expenses over the course of the year. In 2015-16, these costs were combined to an estimated $3,706. After buying books, this boils down to roughly $200 a month for personal expenses like car repairs.

For students coming from families with limited resources, this $200 budget may be all they have. They rarely have the safety net of a parent’s wallet, and this can become more apparent when they room with a well-off peer.

“When you're living with someone whose refrigerator is stocked with food and you just have peanut butter and maybe bread and some Pop Tarts to get you through the week, it can be tough,” said Lisa Reeves, director of Students in Transition.

Doebler added: “All the time I would have kids come in saying, my roommate just bought $400 boots and I hate her.”

This can create tension for the first generation student who will likely respond either by blaming themselves or directing their frustration towards seemingly better-off peers.

In other words, the student might express the shame they feel externally, blaming the upper-middle class student for being vain or materialistic while simultaneously congratulating themselves for being “real.”

Or the student might internalize their situation, blaming themselves for their low-income status. Either way can lead to severe isolation.

This is a struggle that UMD hopes to ease through the Students in Transition office, which runs orientation programs, the freshman seminar and other various events throughout the year.

“We want to reach every student, to tell them that we’re here to help,” Reeves says.

But while administrators, faculty and staff know these students need help, they often don’t know how to get in touch with them. If a low-income student is struggling, they would need to disclose their first generation status to get targeted support. Unlike physical markers of other traditionally underrepresented groups, economic class doesn’t appear on the body.

THE PRICE OF PRIDE

While there are many on-campus resources for low-income students - like Champ’s Cupboard, a free food pantry - a student’s pride can be it’s own barrier.

“I’m pretty stubborn. I’m pretty much like, I can do it, and I’m usually able to,” Hammelman said. She added that is feels like asking for help is burdening her friends.

This puts students like Hammelman in a difficult situation. They want to be self-reliant, but don’t always know the right thing to do. And even when they want to seek help, there are few places to turn.

“My mom tries to help me as much as she can. She’s a waitress - artist is her title, but she’s also a waitress - so I can’t be like ‘mom, I’m behind on rent, help me,’” Hammelman said. “It’s always on me, full throttle.”

At UMD there is no central organization specifically for first-generation students to get together and it’s difficult for offices charged with helping them because the university does not require students to disclose their income status.

The feeling of isolation, an expectation of pride and an unfamiliarity of the available resources can be a cocktail of unexpected challenges for a group of students - making up a quarter of the UMD population - entering a new world.

“My mom is still trying to teach me to be humble, be grateful," Hammelman said. "But there’s only so much you can take in."